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All Guides Bard Guides ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) Give It To Me Raw Bard ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
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Updated
4 months ago
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Bard Statistics for Twinfrost

Author's performance with Bard compared to the ranked average.

Value
Average
Games Played
5
6
Win %
60
43
Kills
2.6
3.3
Assists
13.2
11.5
Deaths
7.4
6.7
KA:D Ratio
2.1
2.2
Gold Earned
10.7K
9.2K
Creep Score
26.4
33.6
Average
  • Author Champion Statistics
  • Guide Details

Summoner Spells Back to Top

Oi! Yeah You! Are you ready to take it raw with Bard!?

Yes? Good, I'll be guiding your tight body through his rough exterior - you manly man.

Flash and Exhaust

Well, Mamma let me whisper in your hear and tell ya something that ya might like to hear. You're going to want to use Flash to secure your kill stealing ability from your adc. REMEMBER TO FLASH AND Q. Those are words to live by, my sexy reader. Exhaust is for making sure YOU STAY ALIVE. Forget your dumb adc he's already dead - trust me. 

IMAGINE THE SITUATION 

There's a sneaky little 84_64.png chasing you and your support. Are you going to stand there and let 84_64.png kill your adc so you can run away?! Yes. Save exhaust for when she kills your adc and runs after you. You're welcome. 

Ghost??????????????????????????

Sonic.


SMITE????????

While you're collecting your little charms like a Pedophile in a play park, MAKE SURE TO OUT SMITE YOUR JUNGLER. Don't let that dumb ass Udyr disrespect you. He chatting with you? Would Micheal Jordan just take that BM? Would Obama? No I didn't think so, check mate atheist. *Tips fedora* Smite that blue buff, smite it like a good boy and MAKE DADDY PROUD.

New Runes Back to Top

Abilities Back to Top

W
Q
E
W
W
R
W
Q
W
Q
R
Q
Q
E
E
R
E
E
Passive
Q
2
8
10
12
13
W
1
4
5
7
9
E
3
14
15
17
18
R
6
11
16

CHLAMYDIA, SYPHILIS, GONORRHEA, HERPES, HEPATITIS

Good, now that I've got your attention we can now move onto the topic of your skills. NOW PLEASE MR. TWINFROST WHAT DO I MAX AND WHY DO I MAX IT? Well my son, let's begin - come hold my hand as I guide you. Come take a lick of my lollipop.


Max W!

Now you're going to need that little Light-well he will be your best friend and your only companion. He will be your lover and your only one because let's face it you've probably never seen another person naked because you're sitting here reading my guide instead of actually getting the frick-frak. You actually just got destroyed. I just deleted you. Sorry I can't see anyone reading my guide. Are you a person? No I didn't think so, I literally right clicked you and pressed delete and now i'm emptying the recycling bin. That's you right there. Deleted. How does it feel to be deleted by a pasty white tea drinking, queen loving, British flag waving, top hat wearing, proud Britonian. Check-mate well played fedora *tips atheist*

Anyway, max W so you can pretend you're a holy priest in World of Warcraft so you can RP around summoner's rift you little nerd. 

Then Max Q

You want that Q straight after so you can go straight into KILL STEALING and smack those disrespecting Gromps and Golems against the wall. I mean they look like they saying some shady stuff and whispering to the other creatures in the jungle talking about you behind your back. "Oh look at that Bard I bet the call him Rebarded" ARE YOU GOING TO LET THEM TALK LIKE THIS TO YOU???????????????? NO!???!! THEN. YOU BETTER. USE WHAT GOD GAVE YOU. HE DIDN'T GIVE YOU A HAND TO GO HUNTING. HE DIDN'T GIVE YOU A HAND TO MAKE SHELTER AND SURVIVE. HE GAVE YOU THAT HAND TO SMACK DOWN THOSE WHO DISRESPECT YOU.

MAX E LAST 

Like okay it's a portal, cool. Like it's a useless one, if you needed a portal why would you make one that the enemy can use. Like Bard seriously pull yourself together man. If he wants to be running with he Savage Crew he better be making changes with that port. 

Saying that, the only use I can find for it is to bait your whole entire team into dying. Then type "Worth", they may report you, but by God Damn are you going to enjoy the sweet taste of the moment. 

Items Back to Top

Starting Items

    This is the WEAK Start - NOT RECOMMENDED.
    Best start, with your attack speed runes and mastery, it is guaranteed to make your slapping deeps too stronk. Wait for gold if you have to.

Core Items

    THIS IS THE WEAK BUILD. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS ONLY IN HERE FOR ME TO JUKE THE LOLKING EMPLOYEES REVIEWING MY GUIDE.
    This is the expected build at late game. You WILL NOT NEED BOOTS. You're already sonic with attack speed and with the movement speed.
    OPTIMAL ATTACK SPEED FOR IF YOU GOT MULTIPLE HOES STEPPING OUT OF LINE, AND YOU NEED PUT THEM ALL BACK IN THEIR PLACE.
    THIS IS TO MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE A BRUISE IN THE MORNING THAT THEY WILL REMEMBER THEY WILL BE SLAPPED BACK INTO SLAVERY WITH THIS ADDED CRIT.

Situational Items

    Again this is to Juke those Lolking nerds.
    Omg they're getting so juked right now I can't even breathe.
    Please send a medical team to come and assist me for I have lost all oxygen within my room and my body.
    I guess if you're bored. Just for the banter. If you can take the banter then don't drink the fanta. You feel me tho?

IT'S ALL EXPLAINED IN THE ABOVE SECTION. BUT I BET YOU CLICKED THIS TOO READ MORE HILARIOUS COMMENTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT. BECAUSE YOU'VE ACTUALLY ALREADY FELL IN LOVE WITH THE GUIDE. WELL I SAVED THE BEST JOKE FOR LAST.





































Your conception.

















Matchups Back to Top

Click on a champion below to see the author's notes on that particular matchup.

  • Alistar
    Easy
  • Ashe
    Easy
  • Bard
    Easy
  • Blitzcrank
    Hard
  • Braum
    Hard
  • Caitlyn
    Easy
  • Corki
    Medium
  • Draven
    Medium
  • Ezreal
    Easy
  • Graves
    Easy
  • Janna
    Hard
  • Jinx
    Hard
  • Kalista
    Easy
  • Kog'Maw
    Hard
  • Leona
    Easy
  • Lucian
    Medium
  • Lulu
    Easy
  • Miss Fortune
    Hard
  • Morgana
    Hard
  • Nami
    Easy
  • Sivir
    Easy
  • Sona
    Hard
  • Soraka
    Easy
  • Taric
    Hard
  • Thresh
    Easy
  • Tristana
    Easy
  • Urgot
    Easy
  • Vayne
    Easy
  • Zyra
    Easy

VS

Alistar

Easy

MILK HIM, JUST WALK UP TO HIM GET A BUCKET AND A STOOL, AND SIT DOWN AND MILK THOSE THINGS. THE MILK WILL FLOW LIKE THE SEVEN SEAS.


Like what is he actually going to do. He's a cow, like are you really scared of those, farmers probably sleep with them anyway. Am I right?

VS

Ashe

Easy

She thinks she's all cool with her arrows but like it's ice. EAT THOSE ARROWS. You might as well use the same bucket you used for Alistar's milk to catch that ice and eat it. 

YOU KNOW WHAT DIP THAT ICE IN ALISTAR'S MILK AND JUST SUCK THE ICE IN FRONT OF THEM SEDUCTIVELY. 
That'll show them.

VS

Bard

Easy

He's not using this guide, so you'll win. Easy. Just like I can't even breathe. You just win. I can't even. Just kill me please. Just ravage my body.

VS

Blitzcrank

Hard

You know when you watching those Adult videos on Xnxx.com and you get into some real weird stuff. Like you just sitting there like "Why?" but you still can't stop watching because you find it weirdly interesting. 


This guy has got a bigger fist than Mike Tyson so, like we all know what i'm on about. Like that fist is actually going to kill you, like there is no pleasure there my friend. It's pure death as soon as he goes in dry with that thing. 

VS

Braum

Hard

Unfortunately his facial hair is so distracting and manly that you. A simple Bard cannot withstand his physical prowess with out your panties getting a little moist. 

VS

Caitlyn

Easy

She a hoe. Bye. 

VS

Corki

Medium

Again here we are at a situation, his facial hair is very strong which of course has the same effect as Braum. 


HOWEVER. He's Corki so like, I mean like he ain't that good he invented a plane that flies what 1 meter off the ground. Like that's useless. And he's wearing goggles. Like is he really even going that fast? No he's still 1 meter off the ground and no doubt Urgot can outrun him and HE'S GOT 4 STUMPS.

VS

Draven

Medium

God we're a sucker for facial hair. You just want to crawl inside that mustache and die. Like If I had to die in one way it would be in a sea of Draven's moustache hair. 


But he still a hoe so ya know.

VS

Ezreal

Easy

I'm pretty sure he's like a 8 year old boy. Are you really going to lose to an 8 year old boy?

VS

Graves

Easy

I would usually say this is a "Hard" difficulty mainly due to his facial hair. HOWEVER, he can be counters in an easy way.


Get Obama to take away the right for States like Texas to have guns. Like he's screwed then right? Like what is he going to do shoot Obama? HOW? HE AIN'T GOT NO GUN. HE AIN'T GOT DIDDLY-SQUAT IN LANE.

Check-mate Texas. Well Played, you inbred people. 

VS

Janna

Hard

Like some of your utility is based on your movement speed. 

Unfortunately Janna can blow you back reducing your total and optimal terminal velocity. 
This means that the resultant force is greater than your force of work done. 
With gravity acting on you as well, it would be impossible without further wind resistance, or even less surface area to reach terminal velocity to be able to KS anyone.
And if you ain't KSing anyone, why even bother to play league.

VS

Jinx

Hard

She like on some new level drug, have you seen her eyes? She like taken more crack than I have stolen babies. Like I would be scared if I saw her in the street. 


Like she can take what she wants she creepy af anyway.


VS

Kalista

Easy

She's technically a ghost so you know what this means.



WHO YOU GANNA CALL DUN DUN DUN DUUNNN DUNNNN GHOOOOOOOOOOST BUSTERS DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN DUNNNN. 



GG. Well Played. ff@20 noobs. Feeders. idc i lock in trist mid ap.  

VS

Kog'Maw

Hard

He like throwing vomit everywhere, like no wtf why would i even like get vomit over me wtf.



Like you can have the lane i don't want none of that on me, i'll like have to throw my cloths out. Like i can't even start how much work it would take me to do to undo the mess he'll make. 

VS

Leona

Easy

YOU WILL NEED:

1) Sunglasses
2) Sun Cream
3) Water to hydrate yourself 
4) Moisturize yourself 

5) Visit http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Sunburn/Pages/Treatment.aspx

VS

Lucian

Medium

There goes your bike. Your Chicken. Your food stamps. 




BUT ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE HE'S LEFT YOU HIS MIXTAPE TO PEEP 

SO IT'S NOT ALL BAD I GUESS. 

VS

Lulu

Easy

She remind me of one of those small Asians girls you see in those 'Adult Movies' ya feel me? Like they'll do the nastiest things for money. 




Like the stuff those white girls won't do these Asians would love to. You get me?

VS

Miss Fortune

Hard

I just really don't like pirates I'm going to be an honest Henry.


Like they turn me on. But other than that they're pretty weird. 



CONCLUSION. She scuuury 

VS

Morgana

Hard

She binds you. You might as well be AFK.




You'll have enough time to get married, have kids, let your kids have kids, then you become grandparents. Then you die of old age. Or one of you dies first and then you're just sitting there like "Wtf they rage quited on me, gg reported" and then you die like 3 days later in your sleep. 

THAT'S HOW MUCH TIME YOU HAVE.

VS

Nami

Easy

She a fish, get a net and you win.


Haven't you seen those trawlers on like the National Geographic Channel, like those bad boys taking up to like 2 billion fish in one go. 

Get one of those. 

VS

Sivir

Easy

She reminds me of an Australian with her boomerang.


And that makes me laugh because we sent all our prisoners to Australia.

1-0 to England. Well played. 

LONG LIVE QUEEN VICTORIA. VIVA LA BRITAIN  

VS

Sona

Hard

She think she a DJ but like is she? I mean can she really even play a musical instrument. 


Like whatever she's holding that ain't no musical instrument that right there is one of those Yu-Gi-Oh card holders they use on their arms. You know what I mean.

This hoe can send you back to the shadow realm. 

VS

Soraka

Easy

She just looks like she has no idea what she's doing all game. 


Have you ever seen a Soraka actually carry a game? No. Check mate fellow atheist *Tips banana* 

VS

Taric

Hard

I like how he's sparkly and he doesn't even care. 


Like he going into war and slaying hoes left, right and centre. But he still lookin' fine af. Like hmmmmm damn he can hook me up anyway with some sick armour for slayin'

VS

Thresh

Easy

GG. Ghost Busters. Well played Thresh. You got destroyed. Just BYE. JUST DON'T EVEN TALK BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY GOT SO DELETED IT'S EMBARRASSING. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD CONSIDER DEATH AS A SOLID OPTION. 


Bye.

VS

Tristana

Easy

Again she reminds me of one of those Asian midgets.


If you have no idea what I'm referring to please refer to Lulu match up details. 

VS

Urgot

Easy

He remind me of those huge fat people you see in them documentaries that like need a machine to get them out of bed and need to be washed by a sponge. 


That's probably like at least 5 of you reading this. GET DELETED SON. BYE
SEE YA

YOU'RE IN AFRICA AT THE MOMENT THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU GOT DELETED. 

Also he got nerfed so lol

VS

Vayne

Easy

Like she say she a demon hunter and stuff but I'm still seeing bush out in the streets.



Like she had one job, she could have stopped bush from doing 9/11. Wtf vayne srsly 9x pls. 

VS

Zyra

Easy

She a giant tree, get some weed killer in a bottle and spray her. Or like get one of those lawn mowers that you like sit in and drive, they're really cool. And just drive over her body. Easy. and you also get your gardening done while you're at it.



TWO BIRDS ONE STONE. 

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